I have seen many people handle their children’s disappointment in many different ways. From slapping them on the back and saying “Them’s the breaks” to Hugging and crying along with them.
I think I am somewhere in the middle. I find myself watching my children grow and learn, and most of the time it is very painful, sometimes joyful. But the real lessons seem to come from disappointment. I want to just give them perspective without diminishing or dismissing their feelings. It is a tall order, really. I think this to be a very difficult task to do without being callous or preachy.
Our oldest entered a writing contest a local author was having. Every time she has entered any kind of contest I see her build up her hopes. I know she is in for a very far fall if she doesn’t win. In her eyes, she’s already won. I try to shine the light on the positive experience and the fact that usually hundreds of people have entered as well, without squashing her spirit and hope. It is a fine line, and I am not so comfortable on the tightrope.
She wrote a very good story. She didn’t win.
I saw the tears she was holding back. I heard her voice quiver when saying how great it was that one of our friend’s won. (BTW~we are so genuinely happy and excited for her! Congratulations, friend!).
In the car, on the way home, she asked me if it would be alright to cry, because she didn’t want to be a bad sport.
Of course it is OK.
I also said that she is at a crossroads right now. One of many many to come. She has a descision to make. Will she enter another contest and try again, or give up? Will this experience sour her for future endeavors?
She answered, “Oh I’ll enter another contest!“.
Good.
That’s all I could do. And I gave her a cookie~ cause they help.
How do you handle your child’s disappointment?
Just being there. Hard. Reminds me of your comments about the MRI. Feeling their pain, and yours, and just being with it. Laura and her sister are both having their moments of realizing that the excitement of change and rejoining a life they have great memories of is tempered by real sadness over leaving the life they have made here…and they will miss their friends here in anticipation, then in saying goodbye, and then once we are away. And I will try to just be there, feeling it with them, but being strong for them. What a balancing act we mothers have, our own emotions, and our childrens’, and trying to make our way, together…
I am so happy to know all of you. Tell Carson that if my kids were the judge of who’s the coolest big girl around, she’d be the winner hands down.